Deleted.
Do you know how this feels? There’s something that keeps bugging you for years, so you start writing. At some point, having hours and hours of re-arranging, polishing, finishing, there seems to be a certain clarity all of a sudden, making all the writing and most of the questions feel pointless and irrelevant. So you delete whatever you wrote. Lean back. Take a deep breath. And just watch all these unanswered questions arise and circle around your head again, just as if they were bound to your draft for the couple of hours it used to take shape, are released again now after deleting whatever thoughts have been written down for that short moment.
Green lights turning red again. Change is anything but easy. Challenges are hardest if found all along the way and not perceived or addressed as such. Focusing on something is most difficult if you don’t even have an idea of the overall big picture well enough to know what to focus on. Considering decisions is most difficult if there are way too many different strong preferences and dislikes that keep pulling you into certain, different directions equally strong. Coming up with bold ideas is difficult if there are way too many expectations, emotions and implicit dissatisfactions affecting your thinking and planning in each and every short moment.
And so you step back a bit. Try to calm down the noise, try to find signal within all the massive influx of internal and external stimuli flooding your thoughts. As well as choosing the right words to capture whatever sense to be made of it. And try not to get into your own way, not to stumble over your own legs. The latter one, maybe, the most difficult part of all.